First Post

O.K. I guess it's time to start. It's only taken four days since I first registered on the site and that's pretty good going for me. Time spent going over and over help pages etc. making sure I was doing things properly and waiting for it to feel right.

Days and hours spent trying to sift through the many ideas competing in my head about how to start this, a lengthy intro? a poem? a photograph? Which of these things says most about, may be my record collection? may be my writing? What will you be interested in? Am I writing this for me or for you? How will I know what you think of it? How will I know if you've read it?

Today - the realisation - it will never feel right so get on with it.

Not the best o0f days but then it was never going to be. I feel quite tearful. With the help of the "Poggle" (you'll get to know her) and my son I've spent much of the past 6 months trying to sort out my entitlement (or not) to Council Tax Benefit. Today a Statement with a minus figure at the bottom, I think this means that they owe me but I don't understand it. I don't know if I want to cry because it looks as if I've succeeded or because I don't understand it.

Once the manager of a retail department with a million pound turn over, once a Social Worker sorting out this sort of thing on behalf of others, once a lecturer helping others to understand how best to help those needing guidance with things like this, today, someone who does not understand a simple statement, someone who's eyes begin to blur as I look at the page, someone fighting a mind that wants to take him anywhere except to the meaning of that piece of paper in case the news is not what I want it to be.

Knowing the problem this causes me I have not opened a brown envelope for months, waiting for my Son or the Poggle to visit so they could explain the contents. No such luxury this month, holidays and work commitments keeping them both away so I've had to brave (how pathetic is that) the contents of many such envelopes, some waiting on the coffee table for over a week before I felt able to face them. At least this was a first day opening so I guess I should feel good about that.