where did the week go?

What a week. I think.
After I posted on Tuesday I began to feel really good but suddenly it’s Sunday and I don’t know where the week has gone.
I know I felt well the day after I started the anti-biotics but have since been very tired, almost in a daze.

The pain in the ankle was getting very wearing so it could have been the release from that, or perhaps it was my mind relaxing following the relief from the worry I have had for two years that I might loose my home, or maybe it’s been the depression again.
This is a problem I have recently discovered affects most of us with Mental Illness regardless of our diagnosis.

Chats in the smoking room or the kitchen at the day hospital often focused on the fact that we can often have other illnesses or complaints which both we and the medics can miss by putting the symptoms down to our “labelled” condition. Flue is a good example, early symptoms being a part of everyday life, particularly for depressives.

And then that “spaced out” feeling. Is it the medication? Is it the illness? Alternatively, am I just tired?
It was expected that once in a while someone would turn up at the hospital a couple of hours late saying “Well, I got up on time and sat on the edge of the bed and the next thing I knew it was two hours later”.

I’m a smoker and throughout my life people have given me a jolt by bringing me from my inner place to tell me the cigarette I lit some time before has completely burned away. I might have been trying to sift through the thoughts in my head or I might have found a moments respite from them but now I was sitting with a cigarette shaped ash balancing precariously on the filter tip.

Some days I am woken by my alarm but as I sit on the edge of my bed wondering whether to get washed, or make a cup of tea, or open the curtains, or what to have for breakfast, etc. I float off into some other place that is either incredibly troubled or wonderfully peaceful and I stay there for as long as it takes.

Since the diabetes this is more of a problem because the tiredness that comes when my blood sugar is up is like none I’ve experienced before. I can literally go to sleep anywhere when that happens, so much so that I have an almost permanent imprint of the toilet seat on my backside.